i need to learn to let go of my past. i thought i found an answer that would lead me to a solution to this, like finding the batteries on the ground of a dusty cave and finally turning on my flashlight. the problem is that when i turned the lights on, the details on said-cave wall baffled me. the cracks, the hinges, the stalagmites, pointy and sharp and deadly, all stared at me, with bloodsucking bats waiting for my first mistake.

and with a flap of their wings i dropped the flashlight, lost it and returned to the beginning.

this time i know a little bit more where i stand, and it's a frightening thought.