a couple of years ago i decided to ignore all of my emotional and sexual impulses. decided that all that really mattered were my professional decisions and how i'd face life economicaly and rationaly. that decisions made me skip school for a year but they also made me finally able to release something out as a musician and producer.

i also kinda decided, without actually knowing it, to get rid of a bunch of acquaintances i made a few years ago. my phone used to ring a lot when i was 20; now it's only a fond memory that my old cellphone still holds in its microchip, in the format of my old contacts and stored sms'. too bad the old bastard doesn't turn on anymore.

after ignoring feelings, sex and a bit of a social life, my mind finally started to colapse. it rumbled with needs i never tought necessary and, although a part of me still reckons i can live without those pesky and annoying requests, i don't think i can hold them much longer.

the worst of it all are those toughts that colide with some basic pillars of decision and reason i made years ago. i used to say all my persona was based upon those pillars; i'm slowly, but surely, suffering from an internal hemorrhage, dying from inside out.

i guess i need to occupy my mind with those old loves of mine. but how can i reach back what i used to be? how?!